You’re wondering if you are supposed to be getting better, and you can no longer see the world in color. You’re questioning your faith and life’s meaning. Everything you knew about life has changed. You’re worried you’re alienating people by talking about your loved one and the death. You are supposed to be back to work, school, the PTA, but you don’t feel the same. Friends don’t know what to say to you anymore. Right around now is when your grief may really start to make you feel like you’re going crazy (you’re not). Life is forever changed, and things feel meaningless, gray, and empty. Now you find yourself waking up in the morning to rush through the before school routine, only to realize there’s no one to hurry out of bed or call to breakfast. Or perhaps you’re a parent whose life was previously made colorful by a child and fast-paced by parenting duties. Now that these things are no longer necessary, your life, which was on hold to be a caregiver, must be restarted. Perhaps you have spent the past year dealing with treatments and prescriptions, appointments, prayers, and hospice. Sometimes even more disorienting is the emptiness felt by those who have fewer responsibilities due to the loss. People tell you, ‘ God never gives you more than you can bear.’ Well, we’re seriously testing that theory.
You must also incorporate new roles and duties, the ones you inherited when your loved one died – mowing the lawn, balancing the household budget, single parenting, closing old bank accounts, dealing with insurance, taking in grandchildren.
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Sadly most grievers can’t abandon their duties for long–parent, employee, bill payer, pants-wearer–you now have to figure out how to continue to exist in the roles that have been yours since before the death.Īlas, that is not all. It seems absurd that the world would keep moving in the face of your tragedy, but it has. Just when you start to get a grip (or not), you must step back into your pre-grief life. You wake up each morning thinking maybe it was all a bad dream, and you muddle through the day trying to make sense of life without your loved one. Everyone is searching for the new normal. In search of something familiar, you look to your primary support system, your family and friends, but they seem changed as well some avoid you, some dote on you, some are grieving in ways you don’t understand, and some are critical of the way you are handling things. One day you’re walking along like usual, and the next day you feel like an alien has invaded your body your actions and reactions have become totally unpredictable and confusing. Understandably, many will find it hard to acclimate to these emotions. If ever a rationale for temporary insanity was needed, one could certainly be found among the range of reactions and emotions associated with grief and loss: shock, numbness, sadness, despair, loneliness, isolation, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, irritability, anger, increased or decreased appetite, fatigue or sleeplessness, guilt, regret, depression, anxiety, crying, headaches, weakness, aches, pains, yearning, worry, frustration, detachment, isolation, questioning faith – to name a few.
Whether the loss was sudden or you could anticipate it, as soon as you understood and accepted that someone you love was dead or dying, you began the grueling work of grieving. It looks different for everyone because we all experience grief in our own way, but on some level, we all struggle to understand ourselves and the world around us in the face of profound loss. Then over time, you only feel a bit odd now and then – like I’m a 5’2 woman unwilling to let go of the 6’1 man’s tweed suit from circa 1950 that’s hanging in my closet.įortunately, I also have good news when it comes to grief, crazy is the new normal. In the beginning, you feel totally out of sorts – like lashing out at everyone, crying over everything, wearing the same sweatpants for a week insane. I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you grief makes you feel like you’re going crazy. Is this Normal?, Grief Articles for Beginners
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